tom, twigs and phones

In response to laura's initial blog about tom and opie, i have to say i still can't stop chuckling about it. i woke up at 5AM on friday morning laughing about the defamer / guster montage of tom being a wacko. i simply can't get enough.

i've never had any guy call me "their woman," jump up on a sofa or get down on bended knee and do a fist pump. in fact, the guy i'm "dating" now calls me "fucker" and "fruity" and once pushed me down in a snowpile and tackled me. oh i now remember that he also steamrolled me on the bed literally rolled over me back and forth. good god what do i see in this guy? and why hasn't he called me back today?

i threw a very fun holly golightly-esque cocktail party here in NYC last night and then at the end of the night i fell into a vase full of twigs. i try to be posh but usually just wind up doing something incredibly throwing my brand new $78 tshirt down the trash chute the other morning. i still don't understand why the guy hasn't called me back? i've left him messages at his house and on his cell. AND WHY DO I CARE? tom cruise would've called me back by now.

it's saturday night and i can't go out tonight, the twig incident sent me over the edge and i'm too pooped to party. if i get into a cab i'm afraid i may vomit. riding in cabs here is like getting into a blender that's on the fritz. you just so jostled from point A to B and by the time i reach my destination i have that "vomit in my esophogus" feeling, my hair is a mess and i'm rattled. it's dreadful, but better than the horror that is the subway. nasty creatures live in the subway.

i wonder if gwenneth and apple are in the city tonight? people in her hood say she looks like an albino without makeup. i would take the albino look if i could be married to chris martin. rumor has it she's pregnant again. i wonder if they'll name the next kid after a vegetable. carrot martin.

i just looked in the mirror and the scratches on my shoulder from the twigs make me look like a cheap whore. that fucker still hasn't called me. i'm taking an ambien, doing a fist pump and calling it a night....that'll show him!

war of the beards

So many things have happened in the past few days, it's hard to pinpoint what made us finally give in to the blog...but I'm going to guess that Cruise wrestling Oprah was the final straw.

How could we sit back and not blog while Maverick was putting Oprah in a headlock?

Such enthusiasm on Mav's part has made me boyfriend's never jumped on a couch because he was dating me. My bf never tried to tackle a talk show host, or point to the sky like he just won the Super Bowl, because he was just that excited to be dating me. No, the enthusiasm on my bf's part is quite a bit less than Mav's towards his Dawson Creek gf. He is one chipper fella.

Now that I think about it, hasn't he rescued someone who was drowning and someone from a car accident? Maybe he just has a lot of energy, maybe Katie is couch-jump worthy, maybe there's a movie coming out soon...

In other news, I just cheated and looked up who won American Idol because I can't wait until 10pm. Boo!