tom, twigs and phones

In response to laura's initial blog about tom and opie, i have to say i still can't stop chuckling about it. i woke up at 5AM on friday morning laughing about the defamer / guster montage of tom being a wacko. i simply can't get enough.

i've never had any guy call me "their woman," jump up on a sofa or get down on bended knee and do a fist pump. in fact, the guy i'm "dating" now calls me "fucker" and "fruity" and once pushed me down in a snowpile and tackled me. oh i now remember that he also steamrolled me on the bed once....like literally rolled over me back and forth. good god what do i see in this guy? and why hasn't he called me back today?

i threw a very fun holly golightly-esque cocktail party here in NYC last night and then at the end of the night i fell into a vase full of twigs. i try to be posh but usually just wind up doing something incredibly stupid....like throwing my brand new $78 tshirt down the trash chute the other morning. i still don't understand why the guy hasn't called me back? i've left him messages at his house and on his cell. AND WHY DO I CARE? tom cruise would've called me back by now.

it's saturday night and i can't go out tonight, the twig incident sent me over the edge and i'm too pooped to party. if i get into a cab i'm afraid i may vomit. riding in cabs here is like getting into a blender that's on the fritz. you just so jostled from point A to B and by the time i reach my destination i have that "vomit in my esophogus" feeling, my hair is a mess and i'm rattled. it's dreadful, but better than the horror that is the subway. nasty creatures live in the subway.

i wonder if gwenneth and apple are in the city tonight? people in her hood say she looks like an albino without makeup. i would take the albino look if i could be married to chris martin. rumor has it she's pregnant again. i wonder if they'll name the next kid after a vegetable. carrot martin.

i just looked in the mirror and the scratches on my shoulder from the twigs make me look like a cheap whore. that fucker still hasn't called me. i'm taking an ambien, doing a fist pump and calling it a night....that'll show him!