the seventh seal v. renquist.....one in the same? you decide.
sorry, i'm bored with tomkat today.
-ET
political time out
the seventh seal v. renquist.....one in the same? you decide.
sorry, i'm bored with tomkat today.
-ET
War of the Worlds early review...aren't we cool?
I'm not saying I've already seen War of the Worlds, because early reviews are not allowed...but I will say that I did go to the movies Monday night, had to "check" my purse before being "wanded" by a studio representative in an odd fitting navy blazer.
Ok, it's probably safe for a blog read by 3 people to review a movie early. I saw it, and it was f'ing great. The first half is so intense, I felt myself near tears. Maybe because I thought it was plausible...perhaps not by aliens, but by people/countries that hate us. If you've been feeling anywhere near as antsy as I have about the current state of the world, then you might feel the same when you see the explosions, the screaming, the panic in the streets.
I didn't find Cruise a distraction at all. In fact, I found him kinda hunky. Maybe it's the leather jacket that he wears throughout, or maybe its because he's a once lame-o Dad who takes charge. I didn't think the end is as bad as people are saying, but I like The Terminal, so maybe I'm a bad judge of Spielberg.
Ok, it's probably safe for a blog read by 3 people to review a movie early. I saw it, and it was f'ing great. The first half is so intense, I felt myself near tears. Maybe because I thought it was plausible...perhaps not by aliens, but by people/countries that hate us. If you've been feeling anywhere near as antsy as I have about the current state of the world, then you might feel the same when you see the explosions, the screaming, the panic in the streets.I didn't find Cruise a distraction at all. In fact, I found him kinda hunky. Maybe it's the leather jacket that he wears throughout, or maybe its because he's a once lame-o Dad who takes charge. I didn't think the end is as bad as people are saying, but I like The Terminal, so maybe I'm a bad judge of Spielberg.
Cruise vs Lauer... meow!
If this was Katie Couric vs Drew Barrymore the press would be calling it a cat fight. And by "it" I mean the Today show interview that got a little pissy.
WATCH THE VIDEO
Tom obviously needs to stick to acting...so he doesnt like certain prescription drugs, no biggie. Couldn't care less what actors like or don't like, I do what I want! Do I hear a hell ya!?
What I do have a problem with is everytime the anti-depressant debate gets brought up, Tom keeps mentioning Brooke Shields as a "talented woman". Now that's just wrong!
WATCH THE VIDEO
Tom obviously needs to stick to acting...so he doesnt like certain prescription drugs, no biggie. Couldn't care less what actors like or don't like, I do what I want! Do I hear a hell ya!?
What I do have a problem with is everytime the anti-depressant debate gets brought up, Tom keeps mentioning Brooke Shields as a "talented woman". Now that's just wrong!
**TOM ON OPRAH RE-RUN**
I was having Tom withdrawal today, very little about him on my fave sites. I was looking forward to Tom on Letterman tonight, hoping he comes out doing high kicks, with pom poms, singing "Give me a K...give me an A...give me a T..." 
But, I dont have to wait until 11:30- KONG is showing THE Oprah episode right now.
I'm tivoing it, can you believe I hadn't seen it before?? When I become unemployed next week, I just might transcribe the episode...the part where Oprah asks TC where TomKat met is priceless- you can see his brain working overtime to come up with some answer, trying not to blurt out any words like "kidnap" "GHB" "scientology center".
Tom is on Letterman tonight...Please Dave, squirt Tom with the microphone on your desk.
I'm disappointed that in these pics of TC entering the Letterman studio, he's calm. Would it kill him to do a cartwheel? 
Here are some pics from WotW premiere, also today.
This ain't satisfying my need for tomfoolery
make your own caption:
-LB
Oh Tom, where are you?
While sipping my morning coffee, I got onto my fave site to see what Captain Tom was up to. First, there's report of Lohan being a diva...then a pic of fat Courtney Love...newsflash! Redford's had a face lift...NO! NO! NO! Where is Tom?
I'm getting a little shaky thinking I won't see that crazed smile that should be accompanied by rubbing of the hands, a head tilt back and then "WAH AH AH AH".
Phew. Here he is. At a press conference being somewhat subdued because he's around guys (and, he doesn't dig guys) and not around Katie (he LOVES women, remember?). Spielberg is not press-conference-stool-jump-worthy. Again, Tom LOVES women.
Here's a pic of chubby Courtney Love. On the site I got this pic from, someone said she looked like Arnie in Total Recall when he dresses as a woman...poor Court. I hate when the camera gets all my chins too.
oh, ok. A few more of Tom.
I'm getting a little shaky thinking I won't see that crazed smile that should be accompanied by rubbing of the hands, a head tilt back and then "WAH AH AH AH".
Phew. Here he is. At a press conference being somewhat subdued because he's around guys (and, he doesn't dig guys) and not around Katie (he LOVES women, remember?). Spielberg is not press-conference-stool-jump-worthy. Again, Tom LOVES women.
Here's a pic of chubby Courtney Love. On the site I got this pic from, someone said she looked like Arnie in Total Recall when he dresses as a woman...poor Court. I hate when the camera gets all my chins too.
oh, ok. A few more of Tom.
Let the backlash begin
"KATIE HOLMES DROPPED FROM THE BATMAN SEQUEL"
....because warner brothers is annoyed her engagement to cap'n tom has stolen media attention away from the movie.
AIN'T NO ONE BUYING YOUR CHARADE JOEY POTTER. RUN FOR THE HILLS, give up your big, gay fiance while you still have some sliver of a career.
-ET
....because warner brothers is annoyed her engagement to cap'n tom has stolen media attention away from the movie.
AIN'T NO ONE BUYING YOUR CHARADE JOEY POTTER. RUN FOR THE HILLS, give up your big, gay fiance while you still have some sliver of a career.
-ET
Aw Snap!
Make your own joke using: squirt, on Tom Cruise's face, from "microphone"...go!
watch the squirting video!
things i love
tom tom and more tom. how could you not love cap'n tom and katie (oh, sorry, kate)? it's just beyond classic. especially all the headlines that go along with it:
"the devil and ms. holmes," "captured by major tom," "tomkat to wed in paris!"
i love that scarlett johansson was lured into cap'n tom's evil scientology den and then politely excused herself when she found out she was there to be tom's beard. she has gone up a couple points in my book.
i love that defamer calls owen wilson the "butterscotch stallion." if anyone knows why, please email me.
i love that queen latifah named her production company ghettoville. way to separate the races even more queen L.
i love that mena suvari supposedly left her husband for a butch lesbian. they were spotted at a bar down the street from me in venice - the brig - which is not a gay bar like they say on page six, but page six is always wrong anyway - i love that too.
i love jeremy piven's toupee.
i love that star jones' husband is referred to as big gay Al. that makes me slap my knee everytime.
i love how incredibly daft kevin federline is. he broke the ferrari britney gave him. WHAT DOES HE DO ALL DAY?
i love how russell "jerkus maximus" crowe is being blamed for the box office bomb that is Cinderella Man. When all else fails? blame it on the star who threw a phone.....
i love how the press constantly takes the piss out of celebrities because for the most part they are all idiots, but really want the public to think they're socially conscience. rosie? you listening?
i love that every long haired guy i see i call "bo." (but usually when i'm drunk)
i love that i'm back in LA sitting in my garden drinking freshly brewed coffee without being assaulted by screaming sirens and sour NY garbage and piss.
i love that i miss new york.
but mostly i love that i still can't figure out how to post pictures on this blog! (i copied the link from laura's last blog for the photo of cap'n tom cuz i LOVE IT)
- ET
"the devil and ms. holmes," "captured by major tom," "tomkat to wed in paris!"
i love that scarlett johansson was lured into cap'n tom's evil scientology den and then politely excused herself when she found out she was there to be tom's beard. she has gone up a couple points in my book.
i love that defamer calls owen wilson the "butterscotch stallion." if anyone knows why, please email me.
i love that queen latifah named her production company ghettoville. way to separate the races even more queen L.
i love that mena suvari supposedly left her husband for a butch lesbian. they were spotted at a bar down the street from me in venice - the brig - which is not a gay bar like they say on page six, but page six is always wrong anyway - i love that too.
i love jeremy piven's toupee.
i love that star jones' husband is referred to as big gay Al. that makes me slap my knee everytime.
i love how incredibly daft kevin federline is. he broke the ferrari britney gave him. WHAT DOES HE DO ALL DAY?
i love how russell "jerkus maximus" crowe is being blamed for the box office bomb that is Cinderella Man. When all else fails? blame it on the star who threw a phone.....
i love how the press constantly takes the piss out of celebrities because for the most part they are all idiots, but really want the public to think they're socially conscience. rosie? you listening?
i love that every long haired guy i see i call "bo." (but usually when i'm drunk)
i love that i'm back in LA sitting in my garden drinking freshly brewed coffee without being assaulted by screaming sirens and sour NY garbage and piss.
i love that i miss new york.
but mostly i love that i still can't figure out how to post pictures on this blog! (i copied the link from laura's last blog for the photo of cap'n tom cuz i LOVE IT)
- ET
seriously, why is he so damn happy?
I guess having his own jet helps, and having a job...
Speaking of jobs (nice segue huh?) my contract position is wrapping up and I think the barista in the cafeteria is the only person at work sad to see me go. She looked bummed when I told her.
A few weeks ago she said she would bring me some of her mom's homemade tamales the next time her mom made them. So...do I give her my contact info? I love homemade tamales. And what do I say "here's my phone number for when those tamales are ready!"
-LB
Jermaine can go back to doing whatever it is he does
Keeping Jackson comments to a minimum, since there are more important stories to cover like whatever Tom Cruise is up to (which isn't much today, Tom where are you??):
-Celebrities can get away with anything and not be punished except for Tommy Chong, Robert Downey Jr. and Martha Stewart. Funny how none of their crimes involved physically harming, or killing, a single other person.
-If a non-rich person did even 10% of what MJ was accused of, his kids would be taken away and he'd be in jail.
-Scott Peterson is sitting in his cell, cursing the day he wasn't born a celebrity.
-Jermaine has a daughter named Jermajesty. I just had to add that since it cracks me up.
the best coverage of the verdict
Dancing Queen
When I saw the ads for this I laughed, who is going to watch C-list celebrities dance? But now I'm hooked. The New Kids on the Block guy is adorable (when did I ever think I'd say that), the J.Peterman actor from Seinfeld is hilarious, and watching Evander Holyfield do the quick step was the highlight. When the judges gave him a bad score I thought- give the guy a break, part of his ear was bitten off (and I looked, but cant tell if there's a chunk missing).
Trista, the stupid Bachelorette got voted off. Trista- take a hint. No one likes you. GO AWAY. During rehearsals of the sexy rumba, Trista had her poor sap husband show up and make sure he was ok with the dancing. He couldn't have cared less. ugh, enough about her.
J.Peterman (as he will forever be known) had the best expressions. I kept thinking of Seinfeld quotes while they were dancing. Remember when Peterman likes the cartoon Elaine drew until he thinks its a rip off of Ziggy- "quick Elaine, to my archives". Or when they kept calling Elaine Susie. Ah, such an f'ing good show.
Hey- I'm not the only one that liked it
tvgasm
-LB
Mr. Mom, Batman and George
Bf is at the new Batman movie right now. I'm thinking its going to be good because 1)Christian Bale 2)Gary Oldman 3)Michael Caine 4)Morgan Freeman. Although, there is also 1)Katie "I think Scientology is fascinating" Holmes
Former Batman Michael Keaton is out promoting his new movie at the same time as the new Batman comes out. Michael's new movie? Herbie: Fully Loaded.
I love Night Shift ("love brokers") and Mr. Mom ("220...221, whatever it takes"), even Beetlejuice. What happened?
Russell the Tussle Crowe, as Entertainment Tonight called him, is picking on George Clooney, another ex-Batman. Apparently Russell finds it appalling that George does commercials. They're just actors. It's not like they're nuns who are stripping for some extra money. What's the big deal?
IT'S THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH!
-LB
Former Batman Michael Keaton is out promoting his new movie at the same time as the new Batman comes out. Michael's new movie? Herbie: Fully Loaded.
I love Night Shift ("love brokers") and Mr. Mom ("220...221, whatever it takes"), even Beetlejuice. What happened?
Russell the Tussle Crowe, as Entertainment Tonight called him, is picking on George Clooney, another ex-Batman. Apparently Russell finds it appalling that George does commercials. They're just actors. It's not like they're nuns who are stripping for some extra money. What's the big deal?
IT'S THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH!
-LB
JM
headline from the new york post today:
JERKUS MAXIMUS
with a photo of russell crowe in handcuffs.
i bet tom is pumping his fist for RC's arrest.
JERKUS MAXIMUS
with a photo of russell crowe in handcuffs.
i bet tom is pumping his fist for RC's arrest.
tom ta-tom tom TOM
TomKat was at the Ivy. Groan.
For those not in the know (ie: those that read, or have real hobbies) the Ivy is a restaurant where everyone knows there are paparazzi parked out front, and you would only go there if you wanted to be seen.
Billy Bush is grilling Katie on whether or not they are engaged. She is giggling and not answering. blech.
Also, Entertainment Tonight referred to Russell's walk from the hotel to the police car as his "perp walk".
I
must
get
a
hobby
-LB
For those not in the know (ie: those that read, or have real hobbies) the Ivy is a restaurant where everyone knows there are paparazzi parked out front, and you would only go there if you wanted to be seen.
Billy Bush is grilling Katie on whether or not they are engaged. She is giggling and not answering. blech.
Also, Entertainment Tonight referred to Russell's walk from the hotel to the police car as his "perp walk".
I
must
get
a
hobby
-LB
stars and bling bling
marc anthony calls j-lo "LOLA" haha. she calls him pita or something like that. now, let's get back to tom cruise. i am still immensly enjoying the slow decline of his career. katie introduced him at the MTV movie awards. people - hello? we've got your game. no one is buying it. i think she's suffering from stockholm syndrome....and too many scientology massages. who knew the scientologists did massage? that's creepy.
good old russell crowe got arrested here in the big apple last night. gawker is calling him the nelson mandela of the mercer hotel. that's good stuff. he's an ass. where is this wife of his and child? i think she's in australia wearing a burkah.
i just looked at paris and paris' wedding registration. i dunno if it's real. they did register for vera wang shot glasses though so maybe it is real. does anyone acutally use shot glasses? i can't remember the last time i had someone over and said, "so hey....you wanna do a shot?"
a black guy on the street said, "those are some bling bling shoes lady" to me the other day, the woman at jamba juice called me erwin and the pharmacist at duane reed said, "you live in venus, CA?"
yep, that's me - erwin from venus with the bling bling shoes!! word up.
- ET
good old russell crowe got arrested here in the big apple last night. gawker is calling him the nelson mandela of the mercer hotel. that's good stuff. he's an ass. where is this wife of his and child? i think she's in australia wearing a burkah.
i just looked at paris and paris' wedding registration. i dunno if it's real. they did register for vera wang shot glasses though so maybe it is real. does anyone acutally use shot glasses? i can't remember the last time i had someone over and said, "so hey....you wanna do a shot?"
a black guy on the street said, "those are some bling bling shoes lady" to me the other day, the woman at jamba juice called me erwin and the pharmacist at duane reed said, "you live in venus, CA?"
yep, that's me - erwin from venus with the bling bling shoes!! word up.
- ET
Hollywood- QUIT NAMING YOUR KIDS LOLA!!!
Finally, a statement on this blog that doesn't involve Tom.
-LB
-LB
got the blues? go to this link
i'm not feeling very bloggy right now maybe because i'm hungover EVERY MORNING here in New York and have no co-workers and am slowly going insane. when thoughts of insanity do creep into my head though, i just go to the below link and everything seems just fine again:
http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/miscellaneous_tv/000824.php
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