July 2005

Guess Who Part II

This is someone who looks super skinny in photos.

Hint- she used to be married to Sirius Black.

From Junk Feud

The Mystery Ass Revealed

For 2.5 seconds, Hollywood agents tried to revamp the tramp that is Tara Reid and make her into a marketable star.

Apparently that plan didn't work too well...

The Emancipation of Tranny

Mariah Carey is looking more and more like a tranny everyday.

Ah...Now I Know Why Lara Flynn Boyle No Longer Looks Like a Skeleton

Bin Laden wanted to poison coke supply?

This photo is from 2 years ago...back when blow was safe from terrorists.

What are the skinny starlets going to do?

Nicole in her best Veruca Salt voice: "But Daaaddy! I want a coca plant, Right NOW!!

Is that you Lara Flynn?

Is it me or does LFB not look like a starving Romania gymnast anymore?

Here she is at a recent NBC party.

Ming Na!

I love a Ming Na! sighting. Here is Ming Na! at a party for NBC. Looks like there's going to be a mini Ming Na! soon.

I dare you to say her name without an exclamation point.

MING NA!

All these celebrities bug:

Mariah - are you a man?

Nicole, you look like a 10 year old girl. Lay off the blow and please eat something:

Tara, get a bra and some class please:

Girlfriend, put some pants on:

How many death related cliches can we come up with for this show? Put it out of its misery...bury it already...needs life support, STAT.

What was up with the creepy Quaker sex on Six Feet Under? Maggie, the Quaker, has seemed odd from the beginning. Now Nate is starting to get creepy. In fact, half of the characters on that show are creepy. Are the writers just making us glad that it's over soon?

A couple episodes ago Claire complained about her work dress code and how the nylons made her feel like a sausage- hilarious. Patricia Clarkson gave a great rant, and screamed "George Fucking Bush" while kicking her leg out for emphasis- brillant. What has happened since then?

This episode was so painful, it made The Comeback (which airs a half hour after) seem watchable. Although I don't understand why Lisa Kudrow talks like Bette Davis.

Lance Has Balls

Lance Armstrong is no doubt a great athlete, but cocky. When asked if he thought there were any Americans who could win the Tour de France, uniball replied no. He also keeps mentioning how he beat his girlfriend Sheryl Crow at tennis, but he let's his kids win everything.

I don't think the future looks good for Sheryl and Lance...Lance overcame cancer and his critics, but can he really handle dating someone who boinked Kid Rock?

Go Uniball Go!

I don't know if anyone is paying attention to the Tour de France, but it's getting very exciting. There is one more day of racing, but the tradition is for no one to challenge the leader. So, if he can just keep on his bike and make it to the finish line in Paris, Lance Armstrong will win his 7th straight Tour de France.

I've heard through friends of friends that Armstrong is a not cool guy on the cycling scene, but I don't care. He's funny in Dodgeball (steals the scene from Vince Vaughn, a hard thing to do), started LiveStrong, and lives everday with one ball. Ok, that can't be easy.

Bon Chance Lance!

Willy Wonka is no MJ

Ugh, I am so sick of people comparing Willy Wonka to Michael Jackson. How Johnny Depp, who once destroyed a hotel room, keeps from punching reporters who ask him about the comparison is beyond me. Good thing Russell Crowe wasn't Wonka, phones would be flying.

I think Depp's Wonka sounds more like Edward Scissorhands with a hint of the lady from Fargo (and I've seen the film, I wonder if everyone reporting on the Wonka/MJ connection have seen the movie). Scissorhands also had pale skin and black hair, so maybe Burton was going for Scissorhands with a bob hair cut (look for a nod to Scissorhands early in the film).

And, the jacket Depp wears is similar to the original jacket Gene Wilder wears, so please don't compare it to the nutcracker-esque jackets of MJ.

Are we this desperate for entertainment news?

OMG it's big gay AL the doll!

Star Jones is a tranny loving whore married to a plastic gay man! Love it!

BREAKING NEWS!!

P. diddy announced today that he is going to change his name again. to what?
JACKASS ???

Naughty Bits

I feel so naughty linking to this site, but what the heck. Naked male celebs...scroll down to see Mr. Pitt (almost at the end of people's comments).
Don't peek while at work!

Britney Has Mom Hair

We all know someone who, after having a baby, chopped off their hair. Britney seems to have followed this trend...or maybe she just took out the extensions.
Britney's new hair

Greg Kinnear for the Supreme Court?

Here's Bush's nominee

Here's Greg Kinnear

Feel Unrested or Look Stupid, You Decide

This product helps keep your head in place while sleeping on a plane. It's $99 (!) and was a featured item on Daily Candy (a website that is suppose to be hip, but now I'm beginning to wonder).

Choose the inflight movie and avoid looking like an idiot.

Bush Makes Judge Announcement Today

Keep your fingers crossed.

Sandra Bullock Married This Guy

He's got lots o' tats, has pit bulls as pets, use to be married to a porn actress, but the main problem is the guy's a prick. I've only seen Monster Garage a couple times and he's a jerk.

Jude Law and the Nanny

Jude Law, who is dating Sienna Miller, shagged his children's nanny and has released a public apology to Sienna. While he gets kudos for not lying when news of the affair got out, it's pretty rude that one of his kids found him in bed with the nanny.

Here's the nanny:

You Can't Smell Bacon?

This is not Larry King's daughter and his grandsons...this is his wife and their sons at the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory premiere.

Larry is old- you can see he has old man posture, and he's clutching onto one of his kids to help hold him up.

I rarely watch The Larry King Show, but occasionally have watched it depending on the guest. Here are my favorite Larry King quotes:

-The Central Park jogger who was raped and left for dead was telling Larry about learning to walk again, learning to talk again, and that she has no sense of smell. Larry's comment: "You mean you can't smell BACON?"

-After the tsunami, Larry asked a reverend if he had trouble coming to terms with what God did, and the reverend said he didn't believe God was responsible for the tsunami. Larry's comment: "Then who did it?"

I see London I see France...

This isn't celebrity gossip, but it is getting so little press I just have to add it. These are actual comments from Fox "News" reporters.

Brit Hume said the following after the London bombings:

I mean, my first thought when I heard — just on a personal basis, when I heard there had been this attack and I saw the futures this morning, which were really in the tank, I thought, “Hmmm, time to buy.”

John Gibson said this in reaction to London getting the Olympics (coincidentally the day before the London bombings):

If they (the International Olympic Committee) had picked France instead of London to hold the Olympics, it would have been the one time we could look forward to where we didn't worry about terrorism. They'd blow up Paris, and who cares?

I think its funny how people think its cool to hate France. Paris is a beautiful city, Mr.Gibson, you dumbass. The French are no more snobby than sales people at Nordstrom. I recently experienced some major attitude at a Seatac espresso stand. Rude people are everywhere.

source: mediamatters.org

note to jeremy piven

dear jeremy: why the wig man? c'mon. entourage is so bloody funny, you don't need the wig. the wig looks bad. J. come on. if you lose the rug, you may win the emmy. don't f-up your comeback with the wig. everyone knows you had thinning hair, it's cool, no worries, don't wig out. laura and i saw you at fred segal. you can't hide under the rug. we know.

Uh oh, Cooter's Mad!

The actor who played Cooter on Dukes of Hazzard is steamin' mad at the movie version of the tv show. Cooter (Ben Jones) says the sexual content and profanity in the movie makes a mockery of the show.

Hmm...where to begin on this one.

First of all, Jessica Simpson in any movie makes a mockery of movies in general (and her version of These Boots Are Made For Walkin' is truly horrific).

Secondly, I'm guessing most young kids that will go see Dukes of Hazzard the movie have never seen the tv show. The show ran from 1979-85 (feel old?).

Third, why is Dukes of Hazzard immune from the tv show turned movie debacle, Cooter? Bewitched, I Spy, Wild Wild West...sound familiar? Did you really think the good ol' boys would get more respect on the big screen than all the other tv shows turned movies?

Now seriously Cooter, quit trying to take the spotlight away from important issues, like Brad Pitt's flu/meningitis/facelift/rehab. Okay?

Mariah Carey, Queen of the Ho's

While performing in Germany, Mariah Carey's dress fell apart. I don't know if these pics are doctored or the real thing (Mariah's chest would be the former).

Harry Potter- Safer Than a CIA Operative

When the new Harry Potter book was sold ahead of its release date in Canada, judges got involved.

The Canadian Supreme Court ordered the purchasers of the book to keep the secret- they are not allowed to talk about the book, copy it, sell it or read it before 12:01 am July 16.

In our country, we can't even keep the names of CIA agents secret, and I doubt the US Supreme Court is going to get involved.

deputy chief of staff?

or a lying pig....you decide:

Ron Weasley- Suicide Bomber?

Kings Cross is where the suicide bombers arrived last Thursday, minutes before the first blasts in London. Did they arrive via platform 9 3/4? Has Ron Weasley finally had enough of Malfoy's taunts? Is he not in the lastest book? The timing is suspicious...

Sick Celebrities Annoy

Why are celebrities constantly hospitalized with the flu? Is this a cover-up for some other problem, or do they really just have the flu? The rest of us chumps have to sweat it out at home, praying there's another can of 7-up in the fridge while celebs get plush Cedars Sinai?

Brad Pitt is hospitalized with the flu...or maybe it suddenly hit him- he's shagging someone who has shagged Billy Bob Thornton.

Brad Pitt Hospitalized AP story

Beyonce from Live 8
And the need for such a short skirt is??

this woman will soon be responsible for another human being...must she flaunt the federline spawn like that?

would you blog me

Mystery Ass Revealed Part II